


No Laughing Matter

by diamondforger



Category: Kamen Rider Zero-One
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Puns, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:15:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22486942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamondforger/pseuds/diamondforger
Summary: Fuwa definitely does not think Aruto is funny.  Not at all.  And there's nothing Aruto can do to change his mind.
Relationships: Fuwa Isamu/Hiden Aruto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	No Laughing Matter

This is what hell must feel like, Fuwa thought as he bit the inside of his cheek. Aruto was barely even paying attention to him, far to occupied with performing to his Humangear assistant. 

She tilted her head blinking. “I see,” she said with her uncanny robotic smile, “it’s a play on the word wolf as in the animal and also wolf as in to devour food quickly. 

Fuwa sucked in a breath as a laugh threatened to escape his mouth. It wasn’t funny. None of Aruto’s jokes were funny. And the Humangear’s explanations were annoying and made them even more unfunny. 

It didn’t stop his mouth trying it’s best to twist into a smile. He forced it back stubbornly. The CEO was not funny and his assistant was not endearing. 

“Come on,” Aruto turned to Fuwa,” give me something.”

Fuwa clenched his jaw and responded with a glare. He didn’t think he’d be able to say anything without giving into the temptation to laugh. 

“I think we should focus on Metsuboujinrai.net, President Aruto,” the Humangear said. 

Fuwa refused to feel gratitude to a Humangear, but sometimes it was convenient to have her around. She certainly had a much better sense of urgency than the stupid comedian. 

“I guess.” Aruto sighed loudly, flopping down on the chair next to Fuwa. It was lucky that Yua wasn’t there because she would have certainty kicked some sense into the man. Fuwa couldn’t quite bring himself to be mad at Aruto though. He’d proven himself a a few too many times to completely write off, even as he was griping about being forced to do the most basic parts of his job. 

“From the pattern of the other attacks it’s likely that the next target is going to be this warehouse,” Fuwa explained, “it stores a bunch of Humangear parts that are no longer manufactured. It looks like they’re trying to restore some older models with the stuff they steal.”

“Sounds like it’s all a _part_ of the plan.” 

Aruto was grinning at Fuwa who covered up his chuckle with a loud cough. 

“Moving on,” Fuwa said quickly, hand still covering his mouth as he sucked in the laughs that threatened to give him away. 

It wasn’t even funny. Not funny at all. Low hanging fruit at best. 

It was charming though. He had to admit the earnestness of the delivery that made the sides of his mouth want to turn into a smile. 

“You’re no fun,” Aruto pouted. He was cute, unfortunately, not that Fuwa would ever dare admit it. 

“This isn’t supposed to be fun.”

Fuwa turned to the voice. Yua had appeared in the van without anyone noticing. 

“What she said,” Fuwa grumbled. 

“AIMS has already dispatched a team to deal with the attack on the warehouse,” Yua said, “you’re to stand down.”

Fuwa started to protest only to realize that Aruto was doing the same. He shut up. There was no way he was going to be agreeing with Aruto now, even if the idiot was right. 

“You can’t just expect us to stay back,” Aruto said, “It’s my property that’s being stolen.”

“There’ll be far more damage to your property if you go in," Yua said without skipping a beat. She was riffling through her bag for some tool. "Make yourself useful, Fuwa, and make sure he stays put."

Aruto started to complain but she wasn't paying attention. She'd found whatever she needed and was already climbing out of the van again. 

Aruto moved to follow her out of the van but Fuwa grabbed his jacket, pulling him back. "Did you just ignore everything she just said?"

"Oh come on," Aruto said, "You're not actually going to try and stop me, are you?"

"Of course I am," Fuwa said yanking Aruto down onto one of the benches, "She's right. We'd just get in the way."

Aruto eyes narrowed. "You actually don't believe that."

Fuwa didn't. In fact, he was pretty sure Yua was just being directly petty to him. He probably deserved the pettiness, but he didn't appreciate it. 

"Just stay put,” Fuwa said, “For like thirty minutes. Can you manage that?”

Aruto’s secretary eyes flashed as she turned to him. “President Aruto, I believe that AIMS is correct in the assessment of the current situation. It would be more effective to let a smaller team deal with the threat.” 

Aruto pouted, folding his arms across his chest and hunching dramatically. “Fine, but only if Izu’s allowed to monitor the situation.”

“Your assistant can do whatever she wants.” At least Fuwa could get back at Yua by saddling her with babysitting a Humangear. 

Izu nodded and immediately exited the van and Fuwa went back to his work, trying his best to ignore Aruto as he fidgeted. 

It was surprisingly difficult. Aruto seemed incapable to sitting still. He was moving rapidly between swinging his legs, tapping rhythms into the side of the van, and adjusting his jacket. Didn’t he have a phone to mess with? Fuwa fumed as he did his best to ignore all everything. 

“What's up Fuwa?”

Fuwa turned in his chair slowly, jaw clenched tight. "Nothing.”

"Oh okay," Aruto said, rocking back and forth, "I just thought you looked at little... _ruff_."

Fuwa turned back around, clenching his jaw tight. He'd brought this on himself. If he'd made less of a deal about being a wolf Aruto probably wouldn't be showering him with dogs puns. How he even guessed that this was the time of humor Fuwa liked? Well, usually liked, of course he didn't find Aruto's version funny at all.

"Oh don't be a _melan-collie_ ," Aruto continued hands landing on Fuwa's shoulder causing the man to jump. When had he'd even gotten up? 

"Shut up," Fuwa managed to force out. His injured side hurt from holding in laughter. Maybe he should just let Aruto leave. Doing that would require telling Yua that he'd lost, though. Lost to some wimpy kid. He wasn't going to give her more ammunition to criticize him. 

Aruto's hands were on the back of Fuwa's chair as he turned it slowly. Fuwa didn't stop him. It wasn't like he was going to get any work done with Aruto there anyways. 

"What's _dogging_ you?" Aruto said, leaning in a little too close into Fuwa's personal space. 

"Are you out of dog puns yet?" Fuwa asked trying to hide his desperation with a facade of boredom. 

Aruto was smiling. He looked too confident for comfort. "You know, if I didn't know better," he said, leaning even closer, "I'd think that you find these puns quite _fetching_."

Fuwa swallowed hard, but it was too late. His face cracked and his shoulders started shaking. His hands shot up to cover his mouth, but it was too late. He'd started laughing and there was no stopping it now. 

He let his hands fall from his mouth and his head fall back as waves of laughter passed through him. 

“That one wasn’t even that good.” Aruto seemed like he was even closer now. He was less animated than normal, and Fuwa could swear his eyes were darker than normal. 

“It... it’s... bad,” Fuwa said in between laughs. He was trying to pull back his smile but it didn’t want to go away. “Not funny, at all.”

“Are you serious?” It was Aruto’s turn to laugh. “You’re practically crying.”

Fuwa wiped his eyes and Aruto was right, he’d been tearing up. The urge the laugh was waning but his still couldn’t force the stupid smile off his face. 

“I’m crying because it was so bad,” Fuwa said as seriously as he could. 

Aruto was definitely closer now. His hands were slowly inching up the arms of Fuwa’s chair as he leaned in. “I think the cat’s out of the bag on this one,” Aruto said, “or in this case-“

Desperate to avoid more embarrassment, Fuwa jerked forward grabbing Aruto by the collar and closing the distance between them. It wasn’t until Aruto's hand came up to cup his cheek that Fuwa realized what he was doing.

He was kissing Aruto Hiden.

And Aruto was kissing him back. Kissing back very enthusiastically. 

In fact, Aruto was quickly taking charge of kiss. He knew what he was doing, at least more that Fuwa did. Which wasn’t a high bar to clear. Fuwa has always been too tightly wound for his own good and that wasn’t great for relationships. 

But Aruto was confident and gentle as he slid into Fuwa lap. He cradled Fuwa’s face gently as he slowly teased Fuwa's mouth open with surprising control for someone with his ridiculous temperament.

Fuwa wanted to break away and tell Aruto that this had all been a mistake. Expect he didn’t really want that at all. Especially not when Aruto's hands tangled in his hair and Aruto’s tongue was pressing against his own. Mistake or not, kissing Aruto felt electric. Fuwa moved his hands to Aruto’s back, pulling them even closer and Aruto sighed into the kiss in a way that made Fuwa melt. 

Aruto was smiling as Fuwa went limp, hands falling to Aruto’s hips. 

“You can grab me, you know,” Aruto said, not breaking away from the kiss. 

Fuwa didn’t need any more encouragement. He slid one hand under Aruto’s shirt and used the other to grab the man’s ass. It was firmer than he expected as squeezed roughly. 

Aruto made a pleased noise and rolled his hips into Fuwa. Unable to bite back a whimper, Fuwa slumped back in his chair. Aruto grinned at the reaction, rolling his hips again. 

The second time proved to be too much for the chair. It tipped backward sending the two of them crashing to the ground. 

They fell in an undignified pile, limbs tangled with the chair. Aruto was able to pull himself free first, because of course he was. He couldn't let Fuwa have a single win. 

The CEO sat back on his heels watching Fuwa untangle himself from his chair. 

“So what brought that on?” Aruto said. His eyes were dark and his mouth deliciously red. 

“I just needed to shut you up.” Fuwa finally got to a dignified sitting position. His heart was still hammering in his chest. He didn’t really want to have this conversation. The kiss shouldn’t have happened in the first place, but now that it had he desperately wanted more. He still hated Aruto, of course, but he couldn't deny the man was hot. Even hotter now that he'd seen how confident Aruto was. 

To make things worse, Aruto was pulling his shirt off. “It think you’ll find shutting me up will take a lot more than that,” he said with a cockiness that made Fuwa want to punch him and kiss him in equal measure. 

This was definitely a bad idea. Yua could come back any moment. And any passerby’s might be able to hear them. 

Aruto threw his clothes in the corner and looked at Fuwa with a cheeky grin as he put his hands on his belt, not yet taking it off. 

Screw it. 

Fuwa pulled off his suit jacket and reached up to pull his tie off only for Aruto to intercept him. 

“Let me.” 

Fuwa let his arms go limp as Aruto pulled his tie off slowly. Each button was undone with frustrating slowness as Aruto leaned in and restarted their kiss. 

It was rougher this time, but not harsh. Just fast and intense and breathtaking. Fuwa felt nearly powerless to do anything except lie back and enjoy the moment as Aruto finished opening his shirt. 

“So how do you wanna do this?” Aruto paused the kiss to pull Fuwa’s shirt fully off and tug at his undershirt. 

Fuwa had thought about that. He hadn’t been thinking about much else other than how fantastic everything had felt so far. 

“I didn’t have a plan,” he admitted nervously. 

Aruto didn’t seem bothered. If anything he seemed more enthusiastic. “How about we do what I want? If you don’t like it, just tell me and we’ll do something else.”

Fuwa nodded slowly. He still resented that Aruto was staking charge of everything, but he’d been doing a fine job so far. 

“Alright, pants off,” Aruto said. He was moving over where he’d throw his clothes, rummaging through his jacket. 

Fuwa was grateful that Aruto wasn’t paying attention to him as he nervously undid his own belt. It occurred to him, again, that this was a mistake. It also occurred to him he’d enjoyed himself more in the last ten minutes than he had in months. 

And he wasn’t the type to back down. Retreat was simply not in his vocabulary. 

Aruto came back over, somehow already out of his pants. He held up a small container of lube, one eyebrow raised in a silent question. 

“You just carry lube around?” Fuwa asked. His cheeks were heating up, but he was determined to keep some of his dignity. “Is that something you need on a day-to-day basis?”

“I mean, in this case, yes.”

Fuwa didn’t have a good response to that. He repressed a half baked question about what case Aruto meant, but he very much didn’t want to know the answer to that. Especially if it meant Aruto had expected this from him specifically. 

“So are we doing this or not,” Fuwa said as he grabbed a handful of Aruto’s hair and pulled him into another kiss. All he had to do was keep Aruto’s mouth occupied, keep the man from saying more stupid shit. Keep himself from saying more stupid shit too. 

Aruto mumbled something against Fuwa’s lips, but he didn't stop. In fact, he was leaning forward and slowly pushing Fuwa onto his back. 

The floor of the van was sharply cold against Fuwa’s naked back. But it wasn’t so bad as Aruto’s warm chest pressed against his front. 

They stayed like that for a short while, just kissing roughly, chests pressed together. Aruto made no move to advance until Fuwa fully let himself relax into the kiss. It was almost indulgent, letting himself take his time to just melt into Aruto’s light touches. 

Once Fuwa was completely relaxed, Aruto finally slid hand between Fuwa’s thighs. He didn’t touch Fuwa’s cock, instead running a slow hand over Fuwa’s hips and around his thighs. He was touching and squeezing anything but Fuwa’s cock and it was infuriating. It made Fuwa remember why he hated Aruto so much even as he twitched helplessly under the man’s touch. 

“Ready?”

Aruto voice was deep and husky as he broke the kiss, mouth moving Fuwa’s ear. 

Fuwa nodded and closed his eyes as he heard the sound of a cap being popped.

He couldn’t hold back a moan as a slick finger slipped into him. He’d done this a few times to himself, but it felt so much better with someone else’s fingers. 

Aruto was still moving slowly, finger sliding in and out of Fuwa with shallow thrusts. 

“I can take a lot more than that,” Fuwa snapped, hips grinding against Aruto’s finger. 

Aruto took a deep breath as he leaned in, mouth brushing against the shell of Fuwa's ear. There was a split second where Fuwa could feel Aruto tensing up and he knew something was coming, but it was too late to steel himself. 

"You'll find attempts to rush me are quite _Fuwa-tile_."

Fuwa sucked in a breath. He should have known Aruto was going to pull something like this. He bit the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing. The joke wasn't funny. It wasn't funny. Absolutely nothing about it was funny. 

Aruto slid another finger in and Fuwa couldn't hold it in anymore. His gasp was mixed with uneven laughter. And as always, once he got started it would be a while before he could make himself stop. It didn't help that any attempt to calm himself down was severely hampered by the way Aruto's fingers were moving inside him, taking him apart and making it hard to focus. 

So Fuwa let his head fall back and let himself laugh. Because it was funny. He was lying on the floor of his van being fucked by a man he'd considered his sworn enemy a couple months previously. He was getting fucked while he was laughing. That fact alone was so funny that it him laugh even harder. 

Aruto was kissing Fuwa's exposed neck, teeth worrying his skin roughly. Even as Fuwa whimpered at the roughness, he was still laughing, He was laughing so hard that he could barely collect his breath. He closed his eyes as Aruto worked another finger into him. 

"You should laugh more," Aruto said as he nipped at Fuwa's earlobe. His breath was short as he curled his fingers in Fuwa. "It suits you."

Barely holding back a moan, Fuwa's hands came to his face, pushing Aruto's head away in the process. He'd never laughed much but when he did people had told him to restrain himself. His laughter was too loud and too long, stoicism suited him much better.

He was still laughing into his hands as Aruto shifted and started pressing into him. The intensity of the stretch and the heat was enough to finally cut off Fuwa's laughter. He opened his eyes so see Aruto looking down at him with an hungry expression. His eyes were dark and completely focused on Fuwa as Aruto started thrusting into with slow deep thrusts. 

"You got turned on by that?" Fuwa asked, everything clicking together. Of course Aruto would be an egotist that got hot for people laughing at his jokes. 

"By the sex? Yes."

Fuwa glared at Aruto. They both knew exactly what he'd meant. Aruto didn't look guilty at all though. If anything he looked like he was about to start laughing himself. 

"Fine, I like it when the person I'm fucking is having a good time," Aruto admitted as he leaned down to kiss Fuwa gently. His thrust were moving faster now and Fuwa couldn't stay mad. Not when Aruto felt so good. 

"I was having a better time without the jokes." Fuwa grabbed Aruto's head pressing their mouths together. 

Aruto refused to shut up, even when Fuwa was trying to shove his tongue in his mouth. "That's not true," Aruto mumbled, as he grabbed Fuwa's shoulder, thrusting against him even harder, "I could feel how much you relaxed when you laughed."

Fuwa wanted to fight and argue, but he couldn't focus on that anymore. His whole body was tensing up and his back arching up against Aruto's chest. Instead of correcting Aruto, Fuwa found himself begging him instead. 

"Don't stop, don't stop, I'm gonna..."

Aruto's buried his face in Fuwa's shoulder as pleasure rippled through Fuwa's body. As he rode out his orgasm, Fuwa wrapped his arms around Aruto, hand digging into Aruto's soft back. 

Fuwa could barely be bothered to move as the orgasm passed. Aruto's face was still buried in his neck and he was whispering something against Fuwa's neck, but it was too quiet and too jumbled to understand. 

There was a lightness in Fuwa's chest even as Aruto was stiffening against him, gasping Fuwa's name as he came. This whole thing was a mistake, but it was the kind of mistake worth making. Fuwa couldn't even bring himself to regret laughing in front of Aruto. The man had been right, he was more relaxed when he let go. 

Fuwa traced patterns into Aruto's bare back as they lay their in a warm post orgasm haze. Aruto hummed at the touch and nuzzled closer which felt significantly more intimate than anything else they'd done so far. It made him want to just lay there forever holding Aruto. 

That moment didn't last long. Aruto was already moving around, seemingly incapable on sitting still for more than five seconds. Not to mention the metal against Fuwa's back was getting increasingly uncomfortable. 

"We should get cleaned up before Yua comes back," Fuwa said as he pulled himself into a sitting position. Aruto rolled off him with a halfhearted groan. 

Even sitting upright Fuwa realized just how much of a bad idea fucking on the floor had been. Everything from his hip to his neck was sore. He stretched, his shoulders popping loudly before he reached for his clothes. He avoided looking at Aruto as the man also pulled himself upright and went for his clothes. 

It wasn't regret, necessarily, that was spreading through Fuwa's chest. It was more of a general anxiety. There was something changed here that couldn't be unchanged. 

"This stays between us, right?" he said, breaking the silence first. 

"Of course," Aruto said. He was already fully dressed while Fuwa was still buttoning his shirt. Advantages of wearing a hoodie instead of real business clothes, Fuwa supposed. 

"In fact," Fuwa tensed as Aruto walked up to him, dropping back into that tell tale tone of a stupidity, "I will _AIMS_ to keep this _Hiden_."

"Get out," Fuwa grabbed Aruto by the arm yanking him to the van door, "Get out, get out, get out."

Aruto let himself be thrown out of the van, smile wide as Fuwa slammed the door in his face. 

The door was barely closed when Fuwa gave in, laughter spilling out of his mouth again. He knew Aruto could hear him, as he flopped against the wall, laughing freely. He knew Aruto was gonna have that self satisfied smile. It should have bothered him and should have made him hate the man even more, but he couldn't bring himself to get angry this time. 

Maybe a little laughter was good for him after all. 


End file.
